i once had someone who was like my favorite blanket.
i held him close, felt his warmth and inhaled his scent that helped me fall asleep.
clothed or naked, he treated me indifferently.
all i'm most certain of is that whenever i'm with him,
i'm like near the ocean, or under a shady tree on a scorching day.

i spoke to him the way i spoke to myself in my head; careless, familiar, unafraid.
i used to lie in his arms with a selfish grin, knowing i have found something most people never will.
i don't exactly know what, but whatever it is, it's definitely worth every ounce of my sleepless nights.
i think we never really had to talk; because even when we were as silent as death,
we understood eachother well, like how first kisses tell you if it's gonna be sweet or not.

i gave him room to breathe when the thought of him and me got too suffocating for him.
i gave him space. for someone so possessive, i gave him a lot of space.
there was never any kind of assurance that he would return,
and that kept me awake on nights i couldn't get my hands on liquor.
i miss him everyday we're apart, but he could live without me.

he isn't perfect, like the rest of us.
but i love him just the way he is; flawed and fragile.
i know he loves me, though. he denies it to himself to maintain balance,
and to make things easy for him
but i'm sure that how we feel about eachother is something absolute and untouchable.




or maybe not..




i can't count the times he was never there.
it was like sleeping without a blanket on chilly, rainy nights.